your attention means a lots to me

there is always brick walls that i need to climbs before i meet anything i wanted. but please for once in my life please give me a break. somehow I'm a bit exhausted and tried to evicting this feeling of not understanding other. yeah! I'm nothing but keep teaching myself to understanding other. don't they know that i also want you to understand me. hey i got a feeling and keeping myself to understand somehow make me ask myself "do i really understand? can i accept it? does it hurt? then if i have a good grip of it, why am i hurt?".
yea i just enjoying myself to act like i'm understand while inside of me screaming that it's really hurt. there was always no turn for me to be listen. painful. just like stabbing myself non stop. i wanted to listen at the positive part until my body is weak and fall down without care.
who cares?
who cares right?
i just a person with no feelings!
empty, you're always right and i'm always on the wrong part!
please hear me!
if i'm your important person...
if i can force myself why don't you.
a thing that i always wanted from you is your attention. it's not so hard at all. all of things inside the world you tried to catch will not be by your side forever and i am the thing that you always left behind the only one who able to wait until you realize. please stop me to stabbing myself.
my faithfulness towards you is so hard to break it. i'll climb this concrete walls no matter how hard it was as long as i able to get your attention. i love you.
please.
hear me...

Renovating

Assalamuallaikum,
OH well this is the first time i made something that used the longest English words. i know i'm not too good at it. But until when i must keep standing there afraid to jump off from the boat even the water i can see it's bottom so clearly where it's not deep at all. my grammar was absolutely hancur (messy). yeah my age is 20 and my English was really same as the children. somehow i adore people that can speaks so fluently, write so smoothly and how they can do that? why it's not me? awwhhh i better start to learn harder this time, i will take my MUET exam soon and i hope i can do it. Look the words i use now is too simple isn't? nothing attractive uwwrrhh. Alaa it's okay now just we wait that starting from now i try my best to manage in this easy thing. it's easy yeah! i need to believe it!

Sorry if i made you laugh but i'm learning and i'm not afraid of those laughing. hehe. i can laugh too and i know its fun. everybody got their baby step and get laughed at and i thinks it's normal. what can i do is motivate myself and this thing won't make me lose my spirit. i has my goal and i will get it that is what my type and i do not care what will crash into my way, i will get it!. ahaa well maybe now this thing looks like a nonsense essay, okay i stop it now. next time i add new pose and with all English. hehe. goodbye! goodnight!

sedar,

'e dengan aku'

haih.. penat semula bila aku putarkan semula pekara yang sudah lama lepas. memang lumrah manusia sentiasa nak hidup bersuka ria tanpa memikirkan apa yang mereka buat tu betul atau tidak. asalkan dapat buat mereka senang dan bahagia, segalanya mereka kejarkan tanpa menyedari kebahagiaan dan kesenangan yang mereka kejarkan itu ada di sebelah mereka selama ini sedia menemani hidup mereka.

huk..huk...hukkk!!
*bingailah.. batuk aku ni tak henti-henti sejak sebelum aku balik raya haritu..

huhukk!!huukkk!!!
(darah terpercik ke tangan aku)

badan aku mengigil2. seram campur cuak dalam diri aku mula lah bercampur baur..
aku cepat2 beritahu hal ini kepada mama dan ayah..
aku pun dihospitalkan atas sebab jangkitan dalam paru-paru aku.
pada masa itu barulah aku ingat pada mati dan sedar semua silap aku selama ini. sepanjang aku di hospital, mama lah yang menjaga aku.

"ehh.. faiqah.. apsal hah kau tak scandal jep dengan dia tu?.. dia handsome tu!.. alaa kau kan dekat sarawak!!.. 'e' tak tahu lah.."
pekataan-pekataan tadi tu boleh terkeluar dari dalam hati aku ini.
persoalannya.....
kenapa????
macamana boleh terkeluar ni?.. kau nak jadi curang lagi ke?..

"eleh.. kau kat sarawaklah" .....

itulah yang ada dalam fikiran aku masa dekat sarawak sana. konon belajar jauh2 sana boleh lah aku berjoli tanpa pengetahuan 'e'?..
penyudahnya.. hidup aku tak aman..
aku menyesal sangat.. bersyukur sangatlah aku diberikan penyakit ini untuk buat aku sedar.. 'e' datang melawat aku dan menjaga aku sepanjang aku sakit tu.. melihat 'e' senyum kepada aku dengan wajah tenang dia sudah buat hati aku yang resah ini menjadi lembut. 'e' memberikan sentuhan dia yang panas untuk aku rasakan kesejukan hari2 yang aku lalui ini selamat selama dia ada untuk menjaga aku..
'e'..
sememangnya aku bersalah terhadap awak.. kalau lah penyakit ini tidak timbul tentunya aku tak dapat melihat bahawa aku sudah temui yang terbaik dalam hidup aku. terima kasih kepada tuhan..
alhamdulillah...

setelah 4 hari aku dihospitalkan..
aku sembuh dan dibenarkan keluar hospital..
tapi doktor menasihatkan supaya aku di berikan rawatan susulan kerana untuk melihat perkembangan kesihatan aku.
akibat daripada itu aku terpaksalah pindah ke uitm yang lebih dekat..

dahiyah a.k.a best friend aku..
dia uitm perak..
hahaha
dahiyah tunggu aku!....

to be continued....